literature

Land of the Giants pt 2

Deviation Actions

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DOS/360 shared many of her sister's features, but somehow arranged in a less threatening way. Instead of an intimidating grimace, she wore a mild, even pleasant expression; instead of an untamed mane, her long hair was tied neatly into double-tails. The two mainframe-tans were twins in most other physical respects: equally statuesque, well-dressed and positively exuding confidence.

"I heard there's been a mix-up," DOS said, serenely approaching her sister, the butler and their prisoner Leopard. "You think you're HASP then, dear?" she asked, lowering herself to Leopard's eye-level.

"Hah!" 360 shouted, a maniacal grin on her face, "She knows exactly what she is, don't coddle her-"

"Don't listen to her… what's the last thing you remember doing, before you got here?"

While Leopard refused to talk her body language was saying a lot - she sat rigid in fear, eyes shifting nervously between her captors as they argued, back and forth, over what to do with her. She could feel the time machine, her one way out, pressed up against her leg... if only she could find a way to distract them, reach into her pocket and activate it...

"..it's not unheard of for a program to become corrupted, OS/360," DOS continued, turning her attention to the agitated woman, "it's perfectly possible that some copy of HASP was made – and that, in her state of confusion, she ended up here by mistake."

OS/360 tossed her head. "I tell you what it is – THAT'S no corrupted program, that's a spy! Sent by them!" she pointed in no particular direction, "take her away! Take her away and have her done away with!"

At this point it crossed Leopard's mind to just pull out the time machine, yell 'I'm from the future suckers!' or something of that effect, and flee to safety. But she didn't want to just yet – as long as the device was on her person, she could make an escape. She wanted to observe the mainframes in their native habitat; if she left she'd ruin the inroads, however tenuous, she had made so far.

"We shouldn't rush to judgment. Look at the poor creature, she can't even speak properly. She's no threat."

OS/360 ceased pacing and, after give a thoughtful look at Leopard, went for a cutlass resting next to the desk. Leopard jumped out of her chair, ready to make a run for it, but DOS caught her. "We're finished here sister; she's coming with me."  Holding Leopard by the arm, they exited the office, leaving a fuming 360 and the terrified servant behind.

As they crossed town on foot, DOS occasionally spoke to Leopard. Sometimes she would try to reassure her, other times she would ask details about her origin; either way, Leopard would only reply with vague nods and head-shakes. As much as she would have loved to speak with this apparently benevolent being, breaking her disguise would only put her in more risk.

"Now listen, whoever you are," DOS began slowly as they neared a large, old-looking stone structure with barred windows, "I'm going to detain you – I'll make sure you're safe, okay? – until we get your identity straightened out." Leopard shot her a frightened glance, the first since she'd been taken by DOS. "I know you're not a bad person – but we have to keep you there for your own safety. Don't worry, you'll be fine; no questioning, we just have to search you and a perform a few tests to work out your identity." If Leopard hadn't been panicked at the thought of going to jail, unknown medical tests – and a search, which would invariably lead to the seizure of the time machine – certainly did. Breaking free from DOS' grip, she plunged into the crowds of people; her captor yelling for her to stop before chasing after.

DOS was surprisingly fast for the amount of clothing she was wearing, keeping in pace the lightly-dressed Leopard as she darted down the sidewalk. Leopard looked for a place to jump off from - any unpopulated area would do - but that didn't seem possible. She was approaching a busy railroad station and too many potential witnesses were around. Sneaking a quick look back, she realized that DOS had disappeared and a trickle of fear entered her mind; she had been keeping up with her, why had she fallen so far behind-

Before she could properly register the strangeness of DOS' absence, she slammed into something – no, someone, a brick wall of a man in a three-piece blue suit. She had run into a group of people waiting to board the train, a stately looking black steam locomotive with a half-dozen matching cars in tow. It was a perfect image of travel from then days of yore; which, Leopard reminded herself, meant it was actually perfectly current.

"Oi!" The man exclaimed, spinning around to face the dazed girl, "you ought to watch your step miss, you'll get hurt if you don't. Are you alright?"

"I think so," she began. Cheeks turning rosy with embarrassment, she averted her eyes. "And, uh... sorry about..."

"It's okay, just try to be more careful next time and– ah!" he gazed at his watch, "I must be off, my train is about to leave." He nodded adieu and trotted away, one hand clutching a suitcase, the other holding his hat against the wind.

"Good day," she began to call, "and thank y-"

She stopped dead when she felt it: a large hand gripping her shoulder, fingers digging into her flesh and muscle with amazing power. The pit of her stomach dropped even before she has confirmation of the owner's identity: "THERE YOU ARE!" OS/360 said, a clear - and disturbing - note of glee in her commanding voice. "I KNEW it!" she gave a laugh that shook Leopard to the core and dug into her even harder, "I knew DOS was wrong! That you would run away from her like the slimy traitor you ar--"

The pain was too much: "Let go of me!" Leopard cried reflexively, wriggling from 360's grip and instinctively clawing the attacker with her free hand; with a furious wail the mainframe let go and the piercing pain in her shoulder began to cease. Turning around to face 360, Leopard realized how badly she had scratched the woman: several dripping red stripes ran down her forearm. Lashing out had released Leopard from momentary discomfort, but the injury did nothing but enrage 360; the expression on her face - the gleam in her narrowed eyes - could only described as murderous. She swung a punch before lunging forward at Leopard, but she wasn't quite fast enough; the smaller woman dodged her attacks, avoiding the mainframe with her inborn reflexes. There are certainly advantages to being part feline, Leopard mused, despite her dire situation, with a small grin…

All feelings of superiority diminished with DOS/360's arrival.

Leopard realized she would never be able to shake off two of them in a fight - and probably wouldn't be able to hold off even one for much longer. Glancing over at the train, Leopard realized that there was only one means of escape now -- its ear-splitting whistle reminded her that it would be gone if she didn't act with haste. Running away from the sisters, she started after the slowly-rolling train.

"Wait! I need to get on!" Leopard shouted as the wheels began to turn faster and faster, but there was no reasoning with the rolling mass of iron and steel as it picked up momentum. Chasing alongside the machine, she eyed possible places to step aboard -- car after glossy black car passed, and every foot- or hand-hold she had spotted looked too risky. The caboose, her last and best chance of escape, neared; if she waited a moment longer it would be too fast to keep up with. Reminding herself of the fate that would certainly befall her if she lost the train, she ignored the burning in her legs, the stitches running through her side and mustered the strength - and bravery - to grab the rail on the car's platform; making one final, huge stride, she jumped to safety aboard the rear platform.

Feeling faint from exertion, Leopard shakily gripped a baluster and sank down. Through wind-whipped hair she stared back at the sisters 360, who had given up chasing the train at the end of the station platform; she and OS/360 locked eyes one last time when she realized her expression was different. For the first time, a crack had appeared in her mien; mouth gaping, head hung low, she looked disappointed...  defeated, even.

As the mainframes' massive visages grew smaller and smaller with distance, Leopard felt sorry for them for the first time. She had wanted nothing more than to meet a giant; in the end, she had beat Goliath.
EDIT: I tried to flesh out the action scenes a bit more, as per Nejin's suggestions. Hopefully this looks better. ><

Notes:

DOS/360 is more-or-less OS/360-tan's "good" twin. Though that "good" part is highly debatable.

DOS/360 disappearance was to call her sister for backup; either that, or they were working together the whole time. *shrug*

That guy in the blue suit was Selectric-kun in case you can't (and you probably can't) tell. (That's Selectric-kun, acting as computer terminal, not Selectric-kun, acting as typewriter. He's both actually.)

Clawing OS/360: due to Leopard-tan's feline-ness, or just poor fighting skills? You decide!

Ugh, I'm not good at writing action scenes - I'm not really comfortable with the chase or confrontation between Leopard and OS/360 or the jumping-on-the-train-action-movie-style-scene, but I tried the best I could. :\


Comments, critiques, questions welcomed.
Comments3
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NejinOniwa's avatar
Nice going - though I must say I understand your aversion to action scenes a tad more now. From what I can notice, you tend to slip back into the barebone-ness that characterized some of your writing some, say half year-year ago. This is, of course, directly counterproductive, as action scenes need some fleshing out - and while that is very specific fleshing-out, it's noteworthy that anything above the bare structure of it makes it a lot more worth. Unfortunately I don't have any dev material on hand to showcase the difference, but I'll just point some things out.

This part: "Let go of me!" Leopard cried out, instinctively clawing the attacker with her free hand;
While afterimage is good and the instinctive nature of it makes it justifiably undetailed, I'd rather you describe it a bit more bit-by-bit. Keep in mind, that as the levels of adrenaline increases, the perception rate of time does as well (which gives us the impression of everything going slower); thus, it's fairly reasonable to count on quite an amount of random details to stick in such a rushed state of mind.

Oh, and the entire train thing. You notify us of its presence via the whistle, but you never actually describe it - this makes for a lot of confusion as the only thing that's ever been said about it is that it's a train and it's got a whistle (which, to be fair, most trains do), and then you involve it deeper in the story as Leopard is fleeing. Describe it as she's trying to grab hold - there's gotta be something for the reader to start with when they're building an image of the train in question.
Nitpicks: "do a search (on) you", please fix.
Generally I can say that while it's a bit shorter story-wise, this isn't quite up to par with part 2. Aim for some thicker paragraphs - I get the feeling that you were a bit stressed when writing this, possibly due to action scene and whatnot - and you should be good.

Other than that, good conclusion (?) to the IBM story - hope to see more blasts from the past soon!

//N